When the whole room agrees: children must come first
Last week I had the privilege of attending the Children, Children, Children conference alongside Elizabeth Coe, CEO of NACCC (National Association of Child Contact Centres). We shared a stand on the day — two organisations with different roles, but the same core purpose: better outcomes for children whose families are going through separation.
The conference subtitle was From Words to Responsibility. It was a quiet challenge to every person in the room: don’t leave here with good intentions. Leave with actions.
I think most of us did.
Setting the tone: a message from Lord Justice Cobb
The day opened with a video message from The Rt Hon Lord Justice Stephen Cobb, President of the Family Division. He reminded us of the weight of responsibility carried by everyone working across the family justice system.
What stayed with me was his description of how children experience parental separation: isolation, panic, powerlessness, and often no one they feel they can talk to. He praised the work of the Family Solutions Group and their report, A Child’s Right to Matter, which calls out the current reality — fragmented services with no nationally co-ordinated framework, and children falling through the gaps as a result.
He also expressed strong support for the FSG’s current work to establish a Commissioner for Separated Families. It’s an idea whose time has come.
What followed was a full and genuinely challenging programme
Dr Angharad Rudkin’s session on the Seven Principles for Happy Children, Happy Families reinforced something we see every day in family mediation: when parents are supported well, children benefit. She shared research showing that children are significantly affected by repeated change — different homes, different schools — and emphasised the value of giving parents practical, manageable goals rather than judgement. She also introduced a new resource pack for parents, which she made the case should be freely available and linked to a register of key professionals. I hope it is.
Stephen Sowden from the Family Law Company spoke from his experience representing children in care proceedings. His framework for understanding children in the system has stuck with me. He described them as VIPs in two senses: Very Important People, yes — but also Visually Impaired People, because they so rarely have full sight of what is happening around them or why. His prescription was clear:
- Give children maximum access to information
- Use plain language, not jargon — ‘where they will live’, not ‘placements’
- Make sure they are heard as fully as possible
- Communicate honestly, to rebuild trust
It is a framework that applies just as much to mediation as it does to care proceedings.
Technology, children, and an uncomfortable question
Beth Rowe gave a helpful overview of OurFamilyWizard, a parenting communication app that is already well used by separating parents as a way to reduce conflict. Some of the newer features are genuinely useful: a tone meter that helps a parent edit an angry message before sending (without the other parent knowing), a shared calendar with a clear system for proposing changes, and a secure journal where photos and location check-ins can be shared.
For families on low incomes, or those recommended by a mediator or contact centre worker, a free 12-month subscription is available. Over 57,000 have already been given. Worth knowing about.
James Evans from Nova Law raised something that has stayed with me since. He talked about the unavoidable growth of AI in family law and asked: Who’s listening?
1 in 4 children have told AI something they would not share with an adult. 1 in 3 have used AI as a form of therapy, preferring to talk to something anonymous rather than a real person.
Those are not comfortable statistics. As professionals working with families, we need to ask honestly whether we are creating the space and trust that children need to turn to us first. He also flagged the importance of lawyers verifying the source of photographic evidence, given how easily images can now be altered.
Nova Law’s own tool aims to provide neutral, personalised information to people considering separation or divorce, alongside a register of trusted professionals. A similar resource, Courtney, presented by barrister Samantha Singer, is designed to give people accessible, jargon-free information about family law through video and other formats. Both tools are in development but show real promise.
The afternoon: children’s voices in adult decisions
The afternoon opened — unexpectedly and perfectly — with a local primary school choir singing We Will Rock You and A Spoonful of Sugar. The energy in the room shifted completely. It was a good reminder of exactly who we are all here for.
The Family Solutions Group presentation that followed pushed solicitors and family justice professionals to do more to include and balance children’s voices in adult negotiations. The group was set up in 2020 by Mr Justice Cobb and brings together experts across different disciplines. Their work on child-inclusive practice, neurodiversity, and the promotion of child-inclusive mediation is important, and it’s gaining momentum.
The day closed with a powerful piece of theatre: Daisy Through the Looking Glass. A mother, a father, and their adult daughter — each speaking from their own perspective on a separation marked by serious conflict. The mother felt she had done her best to protect her child and still let her down. The father had not seen his daughter for years and was still carrying the anger and grief of that. Daisy, now grown up, felt that no one had ever really listened to her.
It was a hard watch. It was meant to be.
What we’re taking back to CFFM
The thread running through the whole day was consistent: it is not enough to say we are child-centred. We have to show it — in how we listen, how we communicate, and how we act.
At CFFM, child-inclusive mediation is already part of what we do. Giving children a voice in decisions that affect them, in a safe and age-appropriate way, is something we take seriously. Days like this remind us why.
A huge thank you to Rebecca Giraud, Bob Greig, and the whole team at Only Mums and Only Dads for making the event possible. It was thoughtfully organised, genuinely challenging, and exactly the kind of day this sector needs more of.
If you’d like to find out more about child-inclusive mediation at CFFM, or how we support families through separation, visit childrenfirstfamilymediation.org.uk or call us on 0161 763 8793.
To find out more about NACCC (National Association of Child Contact Centres) you can visit their website here: https://naccc.org.uk
Author: Sheena Adam, Director, CFFM
