OUR SERVICES
Shuttle mediation
This is when you and the mediator decide together that you and your ex-partner do not actually talk directly to each other as you usually do in a joint mediation session , but instead the mediator talks to each of you separately and goes back and forward between you sharing your ideas and proposals. This is a good option if you do not feel safe or able to talk constructively with the other person.
How it works in practice
Shuttle mediation is usually done remotely through a video link as it is much easier to quickly and safely go back and forward between two people in this way rather than book two separate rooms and physically move between the two. It is also easier and less stressful if you are comfortable in your own home. The mediator asks each of you in turn to go into the “waiting room” while (s)he talks to the other person and then swaps over so you each have around 5-10 minute chunks with the mediator as part of an overall session lasting 1.5 hours.
The mediator WILL
- Check what each of you what to discuss and get out of the session
- Agree a short common agenda
- Then take proposals for a way forward to each of you
- Read to each of you separately what you have agreed
The mediator will NOT
- Pass on insults or abusive comments about either of you – he or she will seek to explain strong feelings and concerns but as constructively as possible
- Pass anything to the other party without your permission
- Seek to determine the outcome – that is for you both to decide
Advantages of Shuttle Mediation
- You can speak freely and safely with fear of intimidation by the other person(especially relevant if there has been domestic abuse)
- You can explain your proposals clearly to the mediator without any interruptions or pressure from the other party
- The mediator can help explain your feelings without any anger or bitterness
- It can feel less stressful.
- You can have time to reflect on what the other person Is suggesting rather than have to respond instantly
Limitations of Shuttle Mediation
- Harder to build up trust between you as you are not hearing what each other has to say
- Greater scope for misunderstandings even when the mediator tries to very carefully and accurately pass on what you what to say to the other person
- You cannot pick up any non-verbal clues from the other person which might help you understand their point of view and vice versa
- It is a longer and slower process(1.5 hour sessions) while the mediator goes back and forward between you
- If you are seeking to co-parent, it may make it harder to do this as you are not getting help to communicate directly with each other
How to choose between shuttle and joint mediation
Talk this through with the mediator at your individual MIAM session. He or she will outline what can be done in a joint session to manage the communication so that you are listened to and not put under pressure as generally it is better to directly hear what the other person is saying and for them to be asked to listen carefully to what you have to say.
Mediators are used to conflict and it is their job to manage the mediation process so that it is constructive with simple “rules” such as only one person talking at any time; being honest but respectful to each other etc
However if even after those reassurances you feel it would just be too hard to cope with then shuttle is a good alternative.
